Tag Archive for 'leadership'

01
Feb

leadership: what about a wife?

By couch 1 Comment
Categories: Articles and leadership

As you all know, I’m privileged to be married to one of the most amazing of God’s creation, Jenny the Carson the Couch. She makes me laugh all the time, and her smile is daily my joy. She’s extremely intuitive and very smart, and seeing her grow through seasons of testing and blessing is truly an honor. Plus, she kind of likes me, and that really, really helps.

As God has us working with college students, we spend a lot of time with singles and not married couples, though we are thankful for the jaunts with the Arbuckles, Shaws, and Stockbergers when we can get together with them. I don’t consider myself a marriage expert by any means, but I’ve been thinking more recently about how exactly one goes about leading His wife spiritually.

Ironically, its not something I think about very much, how I “lead” my wife, and to be honest, I’m not that convinced that its’ something I should be thinking about too hard. It’s certainly important, but like many things in our Christian life, the more we look to ourselves the less we learn, the more we analyze ourselves the more we find ourselves back where we started in confusion. Oppositely, the more we look at Jesus, learn from Him, and are filled with His truth and passion, the more things begin to work themselves out day by day, from strength to strength, faith to faith, and glory to glory. Hallelujah, amen.

I want to lead my wife better, for sure! And I know I have lots to learn. But, especially as some of our friends are getting married soon, or have recently been married, I thought I’d share a bit of the wisdom I have gleaned over my 3.5 years of matrimony.

And let’s get right to my point. Leading your wife does not mean helping her understand theological knowledge. Leading your wife doesn’t necessarily mean “teaching” your wife. Though it may be apart of it, I don’t believe teaching your wife the Bible is the primary means of how you lead her spiritually. In fact, if you make it your primary means of leadership, your wife will end up feeling more like your student, disciple, or follower, and not your wife. This is not good - she is your partner!

Some marriages have a new believing husband and a wife who has grown up in the faith. Because of this, the man often feels very insecure, as he is growing into maturity and is expected to lead his more mature wife. He therefore tries to read great books, study deep theological concepts, and grow in His “knowledge of the scripture” quickly, to make up the gap he feels so readily before him. Though none of these things are wrong, it is a subtle deception in understanding what true spiritual maturity is - and mere theological knowledge is not maturity. Neither is it a basis of leadership.

Biblically, we are told that spiritual maturity is the measure of Christ-likeness we walk in. The Holy Spirit is taking what is Christ’s and making it known to us (John 14), so that we might know Him and be transformed into His image (2 Cor. 3:18, Romans 8:26-28). We would do well as husbands to learn the Holy Spirit’s model of leading us to maturity, that we might follow that pattern with our wives.

Instead of trying to grow in our knowledge and then “leading” our wives with our new found depth of theological knowledge, I propose an alternative. Fall in love with Jesus. Truly - deeply - madly! Let your passion for Him grow day by day. Seek Him, yes through the Scriptures, but also in your everyday life. Don’t just imitate the principles of the Bible, seek the God who can breathe on those principles and cause them to work in you from the inside out.

And as you do, your wife will follow. You can’t lead her somewhere you aren’t going! And teaching through the Bible, though important, is not an end destination. The Bible is meant to be the gateway into a living, breathing, vibrant relationship with God Himself. That’s the end we want as Christians, to be found in Him, to be found like Him, to be found with Him in what He is doing.

You may be 1 year old in the Lord and she 10, but if your passion for the Lord is fresh and hot, she and many others will be lining up to follow you. Even if it isn’t immediate, don’t be fake, but commit yourself to the process to knowing Christ for yourself. It takes time, and your pursuit of God will be contagious to your wife and will be an excellent means of leadership. Perhaps this is why Paul said in 1 Corinthians 11, before going on to discuss the authority of a husband over a wife, says in verse 1 “Follow me as I follow Christ” or “As I follow Christ’s example, you do the same”.

And what was Christ’s example? He was always speaking about the Father. Always passionate about revealing Him, showing His beauty and the wisdom of His ways. He didn’t do anything in order to gain favor in the religious crowd - never once tried to put himself forward by his deep theological knowledge. No, He said - I do what I see the Father doing, and say what I hear the Father saying. And the Father is not feigned of passion. The Father, who “so loved” the world, is a whirlwind of Holy Fire and Glory, igniting our often bored and apathetic hearts aflame again.

And that is something all Christians, no matter how mature, are in continual need of - a constant recapturing of our heart by that which truly matters - the One who created us.

This is Christ-likeness, to go after a deepening relationship with the Father of passion. The eternal life that is to know Him and to love Him with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength. And that’s the best way I believe we can lead our wives, because its how Jesus leads His Bride, the church!

15
Jan

Great 2007 - Vision for 2008

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Vision

The new year is almost two weeks old now, but I’m still drawn to think about 2007. I’m so thankful for the many people that are in our lives, those who run alongside us and those who are running in other places. I’m thinking of individuals who have sincerely inspired my faith in 2007, some shaking off years of religious routine and bondage and embracing deep hunger for Jesus. Others pursuing new paths and finding new life when the leap was almost insurmountable at first. Some have moved into levels of hearing the voice of the Lord that would’ve seemed almost impossible even one year ago, others have found their own faith for the very first time. Most have touched new depths, and though that means greater challenges, are beginning to see the path to walk illuminated in front of them.

There were weddings and funerals, engagements and people moving on, a continual reminder of the fluidity of life and the constancy of change. As I get older, I am more and more amazed at the Lord’s ability to lead so many people in such a fallen world over so many generations. Unmoved, he keeps the end in mind and works tirelessly to pursue the hearts of men and women all over the world regardless of religion, race, or past. He truly is removing everything that hinders love, in love, without ripping things away from us too soon, but just enough to move our heart toward him bit by bit, little by little, time after time. He is gracious, compassionate, unchanging.

I wanted to write down individual names here, listing specific things I’m thankful to see in each one, but then decided not to in fear of offense in leaving someone out. The truth is, there is a war going on. A deep war that’s main front is to keep people from seeing the war. If it can do that, then the war will be won. However, I can see a multitude of people waking more and more to reality, seeing the Kingdom breaking in violently, and pursuing the King day by day, more and more for clearer vision. I want to encourage everyone reading this to make 2008 about nothing less, to see Jesus clearer more and more as He is. Even greater than we assume Him to be, think Him to be, expect Him to be, or doubt Him to be, but as He truly is, revealed in the scriptures by the Holy Spirit and unveiled in the natural and spiritual world all around us.

Nothing defeats darkness like light, nothing defeats doubt like faith, nothing destroys rejection like God’s loving freedom. This world is pulling people in through glamour, lights, and promises, and swallowing them whole in a pit of pain, rejection, and emptiness. Sin is such a horrible covering for our brokenness and insecurity, for not only does it lie to us, but it shields our eyes from reality and makes us think we are eating like kings in a pigsty. Wearing leaves is still silly, but we are daily tempted to don them.

Lord, may we be clothed with you as we see you more clearly in 2008. May your name and your renown be the desire of our souls. Amen.

18
Mar

On the Joy of Being the Lord’s on THAT Day

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Heart and end-times

What a serious thing it is to fall into the hands of the living God. Dreadful, powerful, necessary. As Jesus said, better to fall on the rock and be broken, than to have the rock fall on you and you be crushed to pieces. What a joy it will be on that great and terrible day of the Lord, the day He will split the sky with a shout and descend like a conquering King, the ultimate champion’s title emblazoned on His leg, the same color as His eyes of fire, while a sword comes forth from His mouth to bring retribution on His enemies.

What a joy that I will be behind Him and not in front of Him! No spectacle on earth could compare to that great event, as the sun and moon are darkened to allow for the shining of the brilliant one. And how terrible will be His jealousy, for it will be a bridegroom’s fury as He comes to destroy the one who has touched the apple of His eye. Woe to the enemy of the King on His wedding day. He shall be consumed by the breath of His mouth.

What a joy that I will be behind Him and not in front of Him! For as Mark 13, Matt 24, 1 Thess 4, and 1 Cor. 15 so beautifully describe, in the twinkling of an eye, at the sounding of the last trumpet and the voice of the archangel, my body shall be gloriously changed, transformed, and raptured up to fulfill Jesus high-priestly prayer in John 17 - “Father, I desire that they would be with me where I am.” I will be taken up to be with Him where He is, and then taken down with Him to where He will be going, to establish righteousness on the earth through an increasing government from Jerusalem that will have no end (Isa. 2).

Oh, the wonder of meditating on being His on that great and terrible day! For many will cry out for the rocks to fall on them and kill them, but they will not. The Rock of Ages, instead will crush them to pieces. Lord Jesus, may I fall on you now!

15
Mar

On the Joy of Being the Lord’s Today

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Heart

Today. I’m more than alive - more than free. My head has been lifted up above my enemies! I have a higher vision to understand who the God of the Universe is. I have a higher vision to know that He really does love me, even like me, and has invited me to love Him and work with Him on things that are really important to Him. Things like His Word, His love, and His kingdom come on this earth in my life and the lives of those around me. And in the process, I start to realize why He likes these things so much and I begin to really like them too.

My heart fills with joy as I think about God’s perfect leadership over my life. Because I’ve been deceived as to what real leadership is by my former master, God’s perfect leadership seems to include my confusion as to why I am where I am, doing what I’m doing, and things like that. His leadership allows me to be restless, so that I can learn to seek Him, learn to understand His ways, and learn to be excitedly surprised when He peels back the veil as to the reasons why He is doing what He is doing in my life. Like a lover who leaves rose pedals along a beaten path, God continues to draw me along, with a smile on His face and His gentle whisper in my heart. And His leadership always prepares me step by step for a deeper understanding of Him, and a greater fellowship with Him doing the things that are really important to Him, and more and more so, to me.

I’m the Lord’s today because He gave all for me to be His today. He rescued me from my former slave-driver. He even gives me new mercy every morning in case I forget, which I’m prone to often do. His Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path, guiding my path only with what is necessary to inspire more hunger for Him. This is a stark contrast to my former master’s ways. Oppositely, he would seem to show me everything ahead of time, all the “great” things I could and would have, promising all these pleasures and successes, alluring me with things and stuff, never himself - and then when I would follow after I would only fall deeper and deeper in darkness. The “prize” was always a vanishing mist, always promised by never given. In contrast to the Lord, the more I walked after the former master’s ways, the less I learned, the more unprepared for life I was, the more unsatisfied I was in my relationships, and though I may have appeared confident, the more and more deluded I became about who I was and what my purpose was.

God’s leadership style is so different, but so perfect. He shows me little by little, allowing me to enjoy Him and His ways now and beckoning me on even though the path is difficult. Satan’s leadership is terribly alluring, but incredibly horrifying. He shows me everything and anything I “think” I want, allowing me to destroy myself with my ways and dragging me along into misery, though the way seems “smooth” ahead. God always prepares me for truth, Satan would always devastates me with lies. God sets me up for love, joy, and freedom, Satan would always set me up for hate, bitterness, and bondage.

Oh the joy of being the Lord’s Today!

30
Aug

What’s Your Destination? - Part 2

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Vision

I’ve noticed something - If our ultimate goal is set on something in this life - not only is our vision limited to temporary things on earth, but we seem to be narrow in our vision of God’s overall plan in general.

Say our goal is to be a missionary to South America. Or, something else, a college pastor in Boston. Our vision and focus will be on college students or on mission work, and anyone that has a different, even God-given vision for something else, we will look down upon, dismiss, or at the worst, condemn and reject.

Even if it’s God’s plan. Let me explain. God’s plan is global - no, his plan is universal. He works in and through realities in order to bring about one ultimate goal - the summing up of all things in Christ (Eph. 1:10). Therefore, everything that we do either flows along the “river” of what God is doing, stands stagnant apart from it, or blatantly goes against the current. (Bad idea 1:1)

Many people have their own “pet” topics. You have your “evangelism” guy, your “discipleship” guy, your “missions” guy, your “intimacy” people, and your “End-times” guy. Now God does gift us and empassion us differently, and I think that’s great. But what happens is, if we are so consumed on protecting our own “pet” issue and making sure everyone else agrees with us and does what we think they should (whether its really biblical at all or not) we will despise, neglect or completely dismiss others, no matter if they are genuinely loving, seeking, and obeying Christ in how he is calling them to specifically.

We just simply don’t go along with that because we aren’t as good at talking about it or don’t know as much about that subject or we’ve never been taught and so it doesn’t match our own vision. So our wretched insecurity keeps us away or causes us to reject the topic and the people altogether and we completely limit our vision of God and His ultimate plan. Phooey on that!

This is what the Pharisees did. This is religion. This is death. And they were called “blind guides”. We must get a higher vision!

We have to realize that ALL things will be summed up in Christ. The nations will be reached, the church will be purified, Israel will be saved, the devil will be judged, Jesus will come back, reign on the earth, and we EACH have a very specific and important part to play in that! Just because our heart leans towards one of those issues (not necessarily a bad thing) it doesn’t give us the right to dismiss, reject, or judge others because they lean towards something else.

Now, I’m not excusing unbiblical ideas, practices, or doctrine. But I am saying that genuine love for all people (not judgmental, preconceived, untrue notions and attitudes) should be the basis for which truth is shared.

Not everyone is called to be a full-time pastor. But we are all called to “pastor” (shepherd) someone. Not everyone is called to be a full-time missionary. But we are all called to follow God and share the gospel through our lives and words. Not everyone is called to preach, but we are all called to testify. Not everyone is gifted to teach End-Times, but we are all called to “know the hour is at hand, be sober-minded, watchful, and pray”.

How silly would it be for a pastor to reject all the members of the congregation because they weren’t pastors also! It would be ridiculous! Now we are all called to shepherd and love people, as Christ has shepherded and loved us, but the best thing we can do is not make them like us, but point them to and teach them Christ so that God can, in His great creativity, make them how He wants them to be!

So, don’t limit your vision of God’s plan by dismissing someone or some issue because you “don’t understand it” or it seems to contradict your “pet issue”. God’s plan isn’t limited to our own understanding. Let the love of Christ “which surpasses all understanding” be a bridge to love and pray that person on their specific way and mission in God. Don’t discourage them by knocking their “heart-issue” because it seems to go against yours. God is the judge of all things, and He will bring about His plan in and through those who humbly, teachably, and sincerely believe Him to do so.

Thank God He’s not like us!

25
Aug

What’s Your Destination?

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Vision

“It was by faith that Moses left the land of Egypt. He was not afraid of the king. Moses kept right on going because he kept his eyes on the one who is invisible.” - Hebrews 11:27

“And even when he reached the land God promised him, he (Abraham) lived there by faith–for he was like a foreigner, living in a tent.  Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God….All these faithful ones died without receiving what God had promised them, but they saw it all from a distance and welcomed the promises of God. They agreed that they were no more than foreigners and nomads here on earth.” Hebrews: 11:13

“…They placed their hope in the resurrection to a better life.” - Hebrews 11:35

Psalm 83 says “Blessed is the man whose strength is in you, whose heart is set on pilgrimage.” I know I’ve blogged about this before, but a different angle on it struck me today.

Pretend for a moment that you gathered 50 of your Christian friends in a room together. You sat each of them down and one by one asked them the following question:

“What is God’s destiny for your life? Where do you sense that God is calling you?”

We’d probably get very similar answers from the majority of them.

“Well, I’m patiently waiting on the Lord to release me into full-time ministry as a (…pastor, youth leader, work for a church, etc.)”

“Eventually, I’ll be overseas on the mission field preaching the gospel to the people the Lord’s given me His heart for.”

“My destiny is to have a big ministry, write books, speak itinerately, and change lives.”

Now, perhaps few would have the last one, but I know I would probably place many, including myself, in one of the first two categories. And are those statements wrong, are they untrue?

Heavens, no! Surely the Lord has called us to various positions, places, and ministries by His Holy Spirit for His glory, and I am in no way deemphasizing this. But what I want to say is this -  we have limited our destiny. We have shortchanged our calling. And our life (or lack of it) is the very proof of it.

Name one person in the Bible whose greatest goal had anything to do with something on this earth. Name one person in the Word of God that was commended for longing to reach the “end-all” in this life. Name one person in the Word who longed for a earthly destination of ministry as their ultimate, satisfying destiny and goal.

I’m hard pressed to find one, and that’s because the Word is too full of commendations of men and women who looked BEYOND the veil of time, BEYOND the veil of the temporary, earthly realities of space and place, and UNTO a heavenly reality of a Holy City, a place built by God for those who longed for something greater than their earthly residence.

A place BUILT by GOD. We’ve never seen such a place! And just barely thinking about it stirs fascination, stirs wonder, stirs curiosity and awe. We can’t imagine! Indeed the Bible says no eye has seen nor ear has heard what God has in store for those who love Him!

Friends, I say this because I’m a person who has struggled with making that first answer my goal, my destiny, the thing I’m waiting for, been excited about, and longed for. And that place is death. It’s been God’s grace to keep me from those things, lest I miss God’s best, a faith that is awakened to the fact that there is more than just a “successful ministry, life, and death”. In of itself, its nothing but an un-fulfilling expectation, a waking up on Christmas day with no presents. Let’s not be tricked!

Are you longing to go to the mission field? Good. But long more for your eternal home with Christ, live as a stranger and pilgrim wherever you are, and not only will you be more satisfied in God and God more glorified in you, but you WILL accomplish your temporary earthly ministry with far more effectiveness, zeal, and the heart of Christ.

Why? Because you simply can’t lead people where you aren’t going. If our ministry unto men is a leading unto where we think “we are”, knowing what we know and doing what we do, that’s simply going to leave them dry. Good heavens, there is more to the Christian life than knowing good theology!

Paul said “Follow me as I follow Christ.” That was his ministry unto men, to follow and yearn and long and seek the LORD. To be with Him where He is, to think on things above and set His heart on eternal realities and exceeding revelations in the knowledge of Christ, casting down everything else as “dung”. Interesting how Paul uses his strongest language ever when talking about his own works and activities (even in ministry) apart from the joy of knowing Christ.

Jesus said “The blind can not lead the blind.” (Luke 6:39)  Let’s ask God for the faith of Abraham, Moses, and the others in Hebrews 11, the faith that gives us vision of something more, and awakens our heart and words to others that actually leads people somewhere good. And lets live lives as pilgrims, not settling for our “earthly calling” as the “end-all”, but by faith and expectation (and experience!) of the greater that is to come!

“And even when he reached the land God promised him, he (Abraham) lived there by faith–for he was like a foreigner, living in a tent.  Abraham did this because he was confidently looking forward to a city with eternal foundations, a city designed and built by God.” - Hebrews 11:13

A good place to start would be reading and meditating on Colossians 3 and Revelation 21, to get a picture of our calling and where we are headed in this pilgrimage of faith - to the Heavenly City, the New Jerusalem to live with Jesus and His new ages, heaven, and earth forever.

How necessary and purposeful is our ministry unto the Lord? Without it we are useless on the outside. It is the “necessary part” that won’t be taken away from us.  (Luke 10:42)

I don’t want to waste my life - living on the outside. I want to live, from the inside out.

16
Aug

Thoughts from Colorado #2 - The Guide

By couch 0 Comments
Categories: Colorado

Psalm 145:17 “The LORD is righteous in everything he does; he is filled with kindness.”

White-water Rafting. No, level 3 White-water Rafting. To me, it is a joy previously undiscovered this side of heaven. What a blast! I had heard stories and seen images of the activity, but I had no idea it could be this exhilarating! Water splashing in your face as you extend your muscles to push water down while bouncing up and down, your eyes gazing at the beautiful canyon of lush vegetation, heart pulsating and breath taken away. Man, it was my favorite thing up there. Great story (and lesson) too -

There’s five of us on the raft - Jenny (the beautiful one), myself, Dawn (the uber-experienced guide) and two other guys. On the oblong-shaped transport, the guide sits on the back-end tail while we four fill out two rows on the two columns of the sides. Each position is critical, each one chosen, each one necessary for the completion of our mission - to take the rapids at high speed and intensity, fun-gauge on high.

Dawn means experience in raftinglish. She’s done this stretch a thousand times, knows what to do, when to do it, and who needs to put their paddle where. After a short training session in how to obey her commands from the rear (i.e. “Forward Two!” which means paddle forward twice , and “Back Left One!” which means the people on the left side paddle backwards once) we set out on our wild ride. No, there was no Mr. Toad.

I enjoy the back left position, my wife to my right and the two guys sitting in front of each of us. Well, the front right guy says he has had alot of experience in rafting, had done canoe trips and other such activities earlier in his life, and was excited for this one. Ok - sounds great we guess, the more experience the better.

We set down the trek, the first set of rapids not too difficult entitled, “Entrance Exam”. We pass through it pretty smooth, but not as smooth as Dawn would’ve liked, as we seemed to veer to the right for some reason, but no worries, let’s set our course ahead for what’s next. We pass through a second set of rapids better, and now we are headed for “Tombstone” the third and most difficult set so far.

We grip our paddles, “steady up” as we are told by firmly securing our feet under an inward part of the raft, and prepare for the commands of the guide. It’s comforting to know that your guide knows exactly what to do, and that your ears are working good enough to hear and your brain good enough to send responding signals to your arms to execute the command she gives you.

So, you await the command, and you execute. Diligently await the command, and execute! The brilliance of execution is exhilarating, especially when a team does it together, in complete unity and unison, watching the raft leap over and through the crashing rapids, a soft hum in the rear accompanying success. But this time, there was no hum, there was no unity, and there definitely wasn’t unison.

As soon as we hit the rapids, the guide yells “Forward Two!”, and we each do exactly that, except for the top right guy. He does forward two, three, four, five, and just keeps paddling - doing at least four more paddles than the rest of the boat - without a command to do so!

Before we can blink, our raft goes careening into a large rock, the top right guy goes flying over the side, smacks his head into the rock (praise God for the bright yellow helmets!), and our raft almost flips over, not on the x-axis, but the y! Clearly in trouble, the guide yells, “Side right! Side right!” which means, everybody on the raft leap to the right side to keep the boat from flipping over and knocking us all out! As much as we can in the midst of the rapids, we jump on the other side, barely saving ourselves from going topsy-turvy altogether.

But the front right guy is still under the water. He’s under the raft. Should we dive in and get him? Fish swimming all around his head, alas, he appears in the water about 25 seconds after he went under, and the other team’s raft (who already had more people) hauls him in. Thank the Lord, he’s fine.

As soon as he rejoins the team, the much younger guide gives him some serious instructions - “What were you doing?! Because you were rowing when I didn’t ask you to, and while everyone else stopped as they were commanded, you rowed us right into the rock, not only smacking your own head, but risking the imminent danger of everyone else in the boat!”

A bit embarrassed, the guy had no problem obeying orders after that lesson, but we had to ask him - why did you keep rowing and doing your own thing? He had thought, because he saw the rock coming, that he should forget the command of the guide and row to try to get away from the rock himself, thinking his experience and intuition would help the team avoid disaster, but in doing so led everyone smack into it!

He forgot that he wasn’t the guide, he wasn’t the leader, he wasn’t the one who could see the end from the beginning nor the one who knew exactly the steps necessary for success. By taking things into His own hands, not submitting to the wise, kind, and just guide, He crashed into the very thing he thought that by his own strength he could avoid.

Thankfully, he nor anyone else was hurt, but a great lesson was learned -